Just Because you CAN Doesn't Mean You SHOULD

This is a phrase that has been replaying and floating around my head for months. I have a very specific memory of my mom helping me with a school assignment sometime in middle school. I was trying to pinpoint my three biggest strengths and weaknesses. I'm not sure why this memory stands out so strongly to me but it is one of the memories that feels almost tangible. I can remember the frustration I was feeling at the impossible question and the way that I was leaning/jumping on our old green granite counter tops while mom sat in one of the wooden swinging chairs. This is the first time I remember ever being asked this question and the answers my mom helped me to come up with are the ones I always fall back on when I am filling out surveys or having a job interview. "Determined. You are very determined and always finish everything that you set out to do. Enthusiastic. When you find something you care about you show enthusiasm in your work and are eager to share your goals and skills with others." These are characteristics of my personality I am very proud of and feel like I have truly showcased them in the last five years of my life. In my high school and college education, purchasing our home and completely renovating the basement before turning 20 years old, quitting our jobs and packing up our beautiful new home to teach English in South Korea for a year. I am enthusiastic about these things and I have worked hard with a strong sense of determinism to achieve these life goals. 

A story Brandon still pulls out when we are meeting and talking with new friends... is one that happened when we were first dating. Eating at Village Inn was one of my very favorite activities and we did it often. I always got the same thing; Strawberry Banana Supreme French Toast. "Four slices of Vanilla-battered French toast topped with sweet supreme cream, fresh strawberries, and sliced bananas." It was delicious, filling, and I could finish the whole thing. Somebody else might choose to exclude these details but that is just how enthusiastic I am about this French toast! Anyways. Brandon had ordered some savory breakfast skillet or another, and we were just about finished. I tucked the last bite of my delicious toast into my mouth feeling very full but also pleased with my accomplishment. Brandon had stopped eating with maybe only 3 or 4 bites left on his plate and asked, "Ready to go?" Ready to go? READY TO GO?? I thought in disbelief. "But you only have a couple of bites left!" Brandon replied, "I'm full and happy with what I ate, I don't need to finish it." This is one of the main differences between Brandon and I. He is happy to experience a good thing and call it quits when he is satisfied but I was not raised to leave 3 measly little bites left on my plate when you just paid $8 to eat the whole thing. "You have to finish! If you don't finish it then you are just a quitter!" I will tell you that Brandon did indeed finish his plate but I'm sure he felt overstuffed and confused at my insistence that he finish something he thought he was already done with. This is just another example of my determination, no matter the task at hand. 

Choosing to come to South Korea during the Covid-19 pandemic of 2020 was an extremely challenging task. We had been accepted and planned to leave in April of 2020 but were eventually told to stay home as the Korean government was weary to bring new teachers over until things were better under control. Brandon and I were devastated but determined to see this dream out so we reapplied for fall 2020 and were cleared to arrive at the beginning of August. Coming during the pandemic meant we would pay for a two week quarantine out of our own pockets. This also set our 'Life Timeline' back but arriving in Korea was one of the most exciting times of our lives. We had finally made the big jump, quit our jobs, packed up almost every belonging we owned and stuffed it in a tiny room of my parents basement. This was supposed to be the dream! So, when we arrived to Korea and I began to struggle, it was extremely challenging for me. This is an aspect of our journey that I have kept more private as it is not a part of the 'beautiful' or 'thrilling' adventure most people are interested in seeing. 

I could go on and on for hours over the frustrations that we have experienced in the last six months. I have shared little bits and pieces here and there but the only part that really matters is that Brandon and I have decided to leave South Korea and come back home to Utah. As an outside observer who has only seen our pictures on social media or read about the occasional weekend trip here or there this may seem like a big shock. It is a really big change and seems so contrary to those core strengths I started this story out with. But we have rigorously compared the pros and cons of staying in Korea or leaving for back home and have decided that South Korea just isn't right for us anymore. 

Living in another country has been a huge learning opportunity and I feel like both Brandon and I have grown tremendously as individuals and as a unit. We have truly experienced a different culture and have learned a lot about traveling in another country, struggling with but adapting to different ways of communication, and also connecting with some really amazing people who come from completely different backgrounds than ourselves. It has been an awesome experience overall and given the chance we would both do it all over again despite the frustrations we have experienced along the way. 

I have struggled to adapt to the work portion of this experience and in the end the biggest reason we are choosing to leave is that it just doesn't feel right for me. Many days I have woken up in tears and full of dread of the day ahead of me and eventually it just isn't worth sticking it out anymore. Brandon and I both seriously discussed leaving Korea as early as two or three months into our contract but ultimately decided we were going to stick it through and do our best to assimilate and love where we are. We committed to finishing six months of our contract before we would reconsider and when that time came we both decide going home would be for the best.

It is with both extreme happiness and a little bit of anxiety that I say we will officially be coming home on March 19th, 2021. This puts us at having completed just 1 week shy of 7 months of teaching and 8 months since landing in the country. We're not sure exactly what going home will look like as we still need to find new jobs and resettle into our home once my sister is able to move out and get settled in their new house (which I am so excited to see!). The corona-virus pandemic has changed and shifted our plans, along with millions of others, but we are excited to see what life will be like when we come home. We are so excited to hear other people speak English around grocery stores and hopefully reunite with friends and family as the situation (hopefully) continues to improve.

But through it all I have gained a new motto or belief: Just because I can do something doesn't mean that I should. Yes, even through all of the difficulties we could choose to stay and finish the full year in South Korea but just because we could doesn't mean that it is necessarily the right choice. I am taking deep breaths and trying to embrace a bit of the unknown and feeling grateful for the experience we have been able to have over the last year. As a perfectionist I sometimes get caught up in the imperfect details and forget to realize that I really have already achieved a great overall result. Thanks to everybody's support over the last several months and hopefully we will be seeing you soon!


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

We've landed in South Korea!

Image
Better late than never. A motto I really hate but I guess it will have to do. We are quickly approaching Quarantine Day 4 dinner and I just wanted to share a few thoughts, pictures, and things about our first few days in Korea. The flight was great. Brandon was very nervous about it but it wasn't too bad. We finally had a chance to watch Slumdog Millionaire (Brandon's favorite movie, 3 years into our relationship. It's embarrassing, I know). To both our pleasure and surprise we were served two full meals in-flight (we were worried with the 'Rona's). Bibimbap & chicken/rice or beef/noodles. We had an excellent piece of carrot cake and I am still dreaming about it to this very moment. Thanks to fabulous support from my TL' s at UPSTART we divided a 40 pack of snacks between the two of us for our flight. I have never been more grateful that I didn't eat those snacks as we are on Day 4 of rice, meat, and odd Korean sidedishes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner...
Read more

Chuseok in Jeonju, South Korea

Image
To Jeonju! This week we traveled to the city of Jeonju for our Chuseok holiday. We both worked on Monday/Tuesday and left for Jeonju first thing on Wednesday morning. We made plans to meet up with 3 other EPIK teachers that all work in Gyeongbuk province and we met most of them in our orientation in August. Jeonju is a far journey and it took two bus transfers and over 5 hours to get there.  We all arrived around the same time and headed over to our Airbnb together. We unloaded our things and headed out to walk around and see the Hanok Village. We were lucky to find a nice and clean place to stay for a pretty reasonable price and were just a minute's walk away from the edge of the village.  Within the first hour or two of being in town, we found another EPIK teacher who is placed in a different province but we'd had an opportunity to meet and talk with her a bit at orientation. She had made the trip to Jeonju on her own so we were excited to turn our group of five into six for...
Read more

Teaching is very hard - Claire's first big 'flop'

Image
A great weekend adventure! On Saturday last week we made it down to Yeongdeok, the next biggest town from us. We drove town with David, his wife, and one other friend. We met with another Epik teacher who lives there and we had a traditional Korean dining experience. Shoes off at the door, cushions on the floor sitting crisscrossed, everybody eats and shares food together. I am a terrible tourist and am not sure what the place was called or the traditional name for the experience but it was fun! They brought out side after side after side. Some fresh greens with purple sauce, some boiled greens that tasted like essential oils, pickled sides, etc. We also had Sundubu-Jjigae (Brandon & I's favorite Korean food from Myung Ga where we would eat at often in SLC), fried green beans, onions, and meat pieces.  After absolutely stuffing ourselves to the brim and leaving some food behind (it goes against everything I was taught growing up and honestly pained me a bit); somebody decided w...
Read more

We've Arrived in Yeonghae-Myeon!

Image
Orientation It honestly feels like we have been here for a lifetime already. Following the last day of our quarantine, we headed to a hotel where our mini orientation was being held. Everything was cut a little short due to a surge of cases in Seoul/Gyeonggi metro areas on the last day of our quarantine. Of course. However, we were excited and ready to get to a change of scenario no matter what it looked like! We were pleasantly surprised by a nice stay at the Hotel Prumir. Brandon and I still were not allowed to share a room together but at least got to see each other as all of our classes and meals were held at the same time. While at the hotel we had almost nightly visits to the convenience store for an "Into the Mango", 'ice-cream on a stick' if you will. Such a delicious treat to have SUGAR!! The bars only cost 0.84 so how could we say no, really?? Going outside for short walks after lunch we were reminded just how hot and humid it is here but we were not allowed...
Read more

Finally... Falling in Love with Seoul

Image
Day One Day Two Day Three Day Four Day Five Day Six Day One - Myeong-dong After our friends left Jeju for home, Brandon and I flew from Jeju to Seoul. We didn't have many plans laid out but we were ready to finally see the big city after living in South Korea for the past six months! Our plane landed in Seoul around 1130 am and we couldn't check into our Airbnb until 3 pm so we had a bit of an awkward time where we walked around a bit but mostly sat and waited because we were lugging around 2 backpacks absolutely stuffed to the brim and very heavy. During this time we took our first subway which was intimidating at first but actually pretty easy in the end and a huge time saver throughout the duration of our trip. After seeing the Seoul subway system, it is clear why so many people use it as a part of their everyday routine and we are jealous not only living in a small town here but also back in America! As soon as we got off the subway we headed to a highly recommended restaur...
Read more

Say Hello to... NACHO!

Image
I am here to share Nacho's story. For as long as I could remember I've always wanted a cute little kitten for Christmas. Once Brandon and I settled in at our new house back in South Jordan we brought Dory into our home and I was so excited to finally experience a pet cat after never being allowed one while living at home. Brandon and I loved having Dory at our home in the one year before leaving for South Korea. Even with Dory in the picture though, I still pictured that tiny little Kitten in a Christmas box under the tree, a dream I've had for several years.  Some of our last pictures with Dory before leaving Fast forward a few months and we were finally settling into our new home here in South Korea. I'd been feeling a bit lonely and was missing Dory insanely. There is a huge problem with stray cats here in South Korea so I was constantly being reminded that there were cats all around me but none waiting for me when I got home. Brandon and I talked a few times about w...
Read more

Boseong Green Tea Fields & Tangerine picking on Jeju Island!

Image
Visiting Jeju vacation island during Seollal. Seollal is a huge Korean holiday that celebrates the Korean New year. Similar to Chuseok back in October, many people travel to their hometowns to spend time with their family for the holiday. Due to the current COVID restrictions, groups of 5 or more are restricted so Brandon and I chose to meet up with two of our friends to explore Jeju during their long weekend off of school. In our pursuit to visit every province before the end of winter vacation, we started our trip a little early and left for Gwangju, a metropolitan city located within Jeonnam province. We were both very excited to see Jeonnam as it is the province we were initially placed in when we planned to leave in April of 2020 before COVID forced us to defer to the fall semester. Because Gwangju is on the west coast of the country and our home is on the east coast of the country it is a rather long bus ride to Jeonnam. We left early on Wednesday morning to be sure we would make...
Read more

So I hear you went to Gyeongju...

Image
What a great weekend! Brandon and I have been hanging low at home for the last several weekends so when some old friends from our orientation mentioned they were meeting in Gyeongju world… We decided we had to make it work! Brandon and I recently sat down and made a list of all the things we'd like to see before we leave the country and decided this was a great time to start crossing some things off the list. Gyeongju is only 2 buses and about 1.5 hours away so it was a pretty quick journey.  The first order of business when we arrived in Gyeongju, of course, was a stop at McDonald's. They were still only serving breakfast though so Brandon said it didn’t really count! We met up with our friend and after eating we dropped our bags off at his apartment. Harry is one of the sweetest humans and graciously offered for us to stay the night. We were now bag-less and ready to get on the bus towards Gyeongju World to meet the others! I was really excited to experience Gyeongju World be...
Read more

Dreams Come True in Busan

Image
This week's adventure was an absolute TREAT. Last weekend we spent two nights in Busan and had the best time imaginable. Busan is South Korea's second largest city and there were a plethora of activities to partake in and pictures to procure. I found my personal photo count to come in at over 430 images in less than 48 hours and on day two of our trip we clocked a total of 25,430 steps! Obviously there is a lot of ground to cover and pictures to share so let's get started!  As soon as we arrived in Busan we set out on a city bus for Haedong Yonggungsa. This is one of the most popular temples in South Korea as it is quite large and positioned just perfectly along the sea. Although we had heard it was a must see we were shocked by all of its beauty once we actually arrived. There was so much to take in from hundreds of stone sculptures to the sweeping rocks jutting out of the perfectly blue sea. When you first arrive at the temple location you are at the top of a hill. There ...
Read more